


Love hurts- Jamilton

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Gay, High School AU, M/M, Modern AU, Soulmate AU, they’re going to deny the gay but they be gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-07-08 21:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Soulmate Au where when your soulmate says your name you feel a burning pain in your chest. This will happen until the two accept their love. However, not everyone has a soulmate. It is actually quite rare. Most people are unaware soulmates even exist (Modern high school Au)Thomas and Alex have known each other since middle school. They hated each other from the beginning. But They never found out they were soulmates because they never used each others actual name.





	1. Bickering

Hamilton shuffled into the classroom. Checking the sign that read “advance law.” The last time he was this sleep deprived he walked into the cosmetics class and didn’t realize he was in the wrong class until half an hour in. After confirming that he was in the right place he slammed his backpack down on the desk and slumped in his seat. “Hi.” Jefferson said as he stood in front of Hamilton’s seat. “You know if you thoughts were as deep as the bags under your eyes you might be able to beat me in a Socratic seminar.”

Hamilton sat up lazily. “And if you ran as much as your mouth did you might be in shape.”

“Douche”

“Jeffershit.”

The class droned on and the two sent angry glances towards each other the entire time.

Th bell rang eventually and everyone hurried out of the small classroom and filled the crowded halls. “Do we have a problem?” Jefferson inquired.

“The only problem we have is that you can not grasp the simplicity of a stable government system and how interfering in foreign affairs would cause it to collapse.” Hamilton said matter of factly.

Jefferson laughed. “The ‘interference’ would allow alliances to be formed only making the system stronger. But you can’t seem to get that through that thick skull of yours.

“Oh my god just fuck already.” Mulligan teased placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Hey Herc.” Alex said rolling his eyes.

“I have never met any two people who hated each other so much yet try to spend so much time together.” Herc said. “It baffles me.”

“I’m simply trying to force him to even try and understand even the most simple economic principles.” Thomas said with a small smile.

“Sure dude.” Mulligan snickered. “If that’s what helps you sleep at night”

Hamilton ignored him and walked into his classroom. He sighed “that tall son of a bitch.”


	2. Partnership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two are assigned to be partners in a school project. They devise a plan to spend as little time with each other as possible.

“Your final project will be a complete break down of a few of the assigned chapters.” Washington stood at the front of the class. He laid out the days plan as usual. “It will be a partner assignment.” The class shifted excitedly. “And I will be assigning partners.” And with that the previous excitement of the class had left as soon as it had came. “Please come up to my desk to receive your assignment.”

Everyone shuffled to the front of the class to receive the paperwork and to check the chart for whoever was assigned to you. This was routine, Mr. Washington was fond of this type of assignment. Alex and Thomas made there way through the line and checked the chart. “Shit” Alex whispered. “Sir?”

“Yes hamilton? Do you have a complaint with whom you have been assigned with?”

“Uh yes sir. You have me paired with Him.” Alex Gestured towards Thomas. Thomas groaned and stood with his arms crossed. “I fear are partnership would be disruptive to the work process.”

“I don’t understand why, you are two of my best students.” He responded eloquently. “You both have a remarkable grasp of the law system, I hope your petty arguments don’t get in the way of such an important project.” Alex slumped away, defeated.

“How about you meet at my house this afternoon.” Thomas shrugged. “We can divide up the work so we only have to meet up a few times. 

“Sounds good.” Alex nodded and walked down a separate hallway.


	3. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LEtS pLAy THe nAmE GAme

“Here.” Thomas said, tossing a textbook to Alex. Thomas took a seat in a chair across from the couch where Alex was sitting. 

They had met at Thomas’s house to divide up the work. The two were less than thrilled. 

Alex turned to chapter nine. “I’ll take chapters 9-15 you take chapters 16-21. We can conjoin our notes on a Google docs. Simple enough?”

Thomas tapped on the cover of the book. “You took an extra chapter.”

Alex looked up and gave a condescending smile. “Oh look! It can count.” He said and rolled his eyes. “Is there a problem?”

Thomas crossed his leg and leaned back. “I just didn’t think you’d be competent to handle the workload.”

Alex placed the book down and stood up. “The chapters are divided and we laid out a work plan. That means I can finally leave.” 

Thomas stood up and walked over to the much shorter man. Leaning forward slightly. “Leaving So soon?” Alex rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been here long enough.” He tried to straighten his posture. In an attempt to make himself slightly taller. 

“I hope your heavily biased political views don’t affect our grades.”

Hamilton gritted his teeth “And I hope your incompetence doesn’t poison my work.

“You’re free to leave Hamilton.” He heavily punctuated his name and pushed him slightly. 

Hamilton’s hand grasped at his own chest. A fire seemed to erupt from within his lungs. He screamed and braced himself on the arm of the couch. Thomas stepped back a look of shock on his face. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” Alex yelled.

Jefferson had no idea what to do or say. “I-I… I don’t know.”

Alex clutched at his burning chest. He doubled over. Trying to catch his breath. But every time he inhaled it felt like a dagger. He looked up at Thomas. “Do something!” He said almost pleading.

“I’ll call 911!” He said leaping to grab his phone. Hands shaking as typed the 3 simple numbers. He hated the man but the distress he was in made him more uncomfortable than he would have expected. To see the Alex, who was usually stubborn and confident, kneeling on the floor with tears streaming down his face. 

He finally heard the voice of a women on the other line. “911 what’s your emergency?” 

Thomas tried to rap his head around what had just a happen. “My um… my friend. He just started screaming in pain and he can barely speak.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened.”

“What were the events leading up to the episode.” The women said calmly. 

He thought for a moment before responding. “I just kind of pushed his the chest.” The line was silent for a few seconds. 

“What exactly did you say to him?”

Thomas pushed his hair back nervously. “ I just said ‘your free to leave now Hamilton.’ I think.” Hamilton screamed. The pain that was leaving burning powerfully again. Like flame trying to break out of his ribs. 

“Shit it’s getting worse.” 

“Sir, everything is going to be alright. We are sending a paramedic out your way. Your friend is going to be fine. I assure you, this is not serious.”

“HOW IS THIS NOT SERIOUS!” He snapped.

“This is a normal occurrence. I need you to calm down so I can explain the proper procedure to help relieve his pain.”

“Ok” he agreed.

“There is not much you can do until we get there. Now, this may be an odd order but you must be sure not to say his name.” Thomas was not in a state to question her. “Grab a cold towel and place it on his forehead. He is most likely experience and increase in body temperature and it may not help to relieve his pain, it will help relieve his other discomfort.” He ran to the kitchen to get the towel. He followed the women’s orders. He kneeled in front of Hamilton and placed the cloth in his forehead. Alex hated it he was in no state to fight the care from Jefferson.

“The lady said that there’s nothing to worry about, that this is apparently normal.”

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less!” Alex said tears still welling in his eyes.

Thomas’s hand hovered a few inches away from Alex’s chest. The area he knew was experiencing the most pain. “I know.” He could hear the sirens entering the neighborhood. Hamilton’s eyes were fixed on the floor in front of him as he took ragged breaths.

When the paramedics finally arrived Thomas informed them about what had happened. They simply nodded and told him not to panic, that they had everything was under control. “What’s going on?” He asked. 

“We have an idea but we’re going to run a few tests, just to be sure.” One of the paramedics said.

Why weren’t they telling him anything?

He walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. He just wanted to hide in the kitchen until they left, but they called him back into the living room. 

Alex was seated back on the couch. He seemed to be doing better. His was still just staring at the floor avoiding eye contact. Thomas sat down next to him.

“You okay?” Alex nodded and wiped his cheek with the palm of his hand.

The paramedic took the stethoscope out of her ears and hung it around her neck. “He’s fine. Perfectly healthy, very sleep deprived” Thomas smiled slightly “but healthy.”

“Then can someone tell me what the hell happened!” Thomas said clearly pissed.

The paramedic sighed. “It’s kind of complicated to explain.”

Alex finally looked up. “What?” He asked.

She tapped her foot. “Have you two ever heard of soulmates?”

Thomas scoffed. “Yeah, I guess?”

“Is t-this some kind of joke?” Alex said quietly his voice shaking as he spoke.

“No.” The women said. “How long have you two known each other?

Thomas shrugged. “5 years. Why?”

She scratched her head. “That’s unusual.” She paused. “You two haven’t said each other’s names, in 5 years?” She almost laughed.

“Would you like to explain the immense pain I’m in, or are you going to stand there laughing?” Alex said gritting his teeth. The pain had subsided but I was still there. 

“I’m sorry.” She said. “Soulmates, as I had mentioned earlier, is the bond between two people who are seemingly destined to be together.” She smiled. “You seem to have that bond.”

Thomas and Alex looked at each other, and then back to the lady. 

The two boys sat in silence. “Is this some kind of fucking joke?” Alex said.


	4. Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Thomas try to process the new information.

Thomas paced around the room with his hands in his pocket. “This has to be some kind of joke.” He stopped and held his head in hands. “Some kind of sick joke.”

Alex still sat on the couch, massaging his chest softly. “When I was really young, my mom told me stories about soulmates. I loved the stories when I was a kid. But once I got into middle school I didn’t think they were anything more than stories.”

Thomas scoffed. “You don’t actually believe that crap?” He said with disbelief.

He shrugged. “I don’t like it or agree with it. Honestly it makes me a little nauseous.” He took a breath. “But it’s either that or I’m dying.”

Jefferson rested his head on the wall by the kitchen. Alex leaned back into the couch cushion. “There is one way we could test it.” He proposed.

Thomas looked slightly confused. It took him a moment to understand what he meant. His eyes widened with realization. He placed his hand on his chest lightly. “No!” He snapped. He took a deep breath. “No, not right now.” He didn’t want to experience the pain Alex had felt and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the truth. And he wasn’t sure what answer he preferred. That’s what puzzled him the most. The very thought made his head spin. “I mean what kind of bull shit story was that.” He shook his head. “She said that the only way that this pain won’t occur when we say each other’s name is if we accept that we’re ‘soulmates’” he said with air quotes. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

Alex stood up suddenly. “I should go.” He grabbed his backpack, avoiding Thomas’s gaze. He nodded and Alex walked out the door.

__________________

Alex walked home, shuffling his feet. He was distracted, which was an unsafe mannerism as he walked through an alleyway. It was a shortcut, a shortcut to an area that is not much safer than the alley he took to get there. Also known as, the street he lived in.

He opened the door to the apartment him and his mother lived in for the time being. He kicked aside a pile of garbage that had collected in front of the doorway. 

His mom was laying on the couch. She was awake physically, but not mentally, she rarely was. “Hey mom.” She didn’t respond. He didn’t expect her to. He headed to his room. His mom took the couch and the rocking chair that faced the window. He didn’t know what she saw. The window faced another building, yet she spent hours staring out of it. So Alex took the bed room. So I guess he had that going for him.

He laid his books out on the bed. He thought he should get a head start on the project, but his mind was foggy and his chest still ached. He sighed and flopped backwards onto the bed. The springs creaked loudly. He hated Jefferson but he had to admit, his place was much nicer than his. He tried to shake the thought. It was too confusing. Thinking of him, at the moment, caused him both mental and physical pain. 

Before he knew it, the piercing sound of his alarm sounded through his room. He sat up and rubbed his forehead. He had a headache from sleeping with his neck at an odd angle. He groaned, his thoughts heavy. But soon the memories of the day before were suddenly rushing back to him like he got hit in the head with a board. A scenario he would prefer than to see Jefferson today. “Shit.” He muttered to himself. Speaking of Jefferson, he had a Socratic seminar that he was definitely not prepared for.

He quickly grabbed the books and papers that were scattered on the bed and floor. Frantically he straightened out the ones he had slept on. He threw on a T-shirt as he walked through the door. Still wearing the same hoodie and jeans he had the day before as he exited the building.

He sat at the bus stop, one other soon to be passenger sitting next to him. He stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth and pulled his laptop out of his bag. He wanted to be at least a little prepared to debate Thomas. He typed in a document and scribbled things on note cards so he could study them in class. The woman next to him stared at him out of her peripheral vision, looking at the teenager with ragged clothes and hair that stuck up in all directions frantically taking notes with a piece of toast still hanging out of his mouth. 

He didn’t have his normal thermos of coffee that morning, he skipped it in an attempt to make more time for research. So now, the day would be filled with headaches and despair. 

The bus finally arrived, he slumped in the seat next to John, who had the same bus route as him even though he lived in a much better part of the city (however his family situation was not much better than Alex’s.) “Woah!” He said with a laugh. “What truck did you get hit with?” He said trying to make a joke. Alex said nothing, just opening up his laptop and starting to type again.

Alex didn’t look up from the screen. “Sorry, I just need to prepare.”

John shrugged. “Quite unusual for you to be doing your homework on the bus. You usually do it at 2 in the morning.” He turned away from Alex. “You probably shouldn’t do that by the way. It can’t be a healthy sleeping habit.”

Alex actually smiled a bit. “Whatever do you mean?” Sarcasm etched his voice. “You mean just barely getting by on a latte and a prayer isn’t healthy?”

John chuckled softly. “You’re a mess”

Alex opened another pack of notecards. “You act like I don’t know that.”

_______________________

Alex and John walked into the school, pushing through the crowd, weaving through the other students. He then ran into Thomas, literally. “Hey watch it Hami-“ he paused. “Just… watch where you're going.” He said and turning around and storming off. His behavior was odd, but not quite as odd as his appearance. He usually wore clothes that were too nice for some random high school in New York. He now wore jeans and a sweatshirt. His hair that was usually overly done, was frizzier than usual and fell awkwardly in his face. The dark bags under his eyes showed how well he had slept that night.

“Yikes.” John said. “What’s up with him?”

Alex sighed and started walking towards his class. “I’ll tell you at lunch.”


	5. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Thomas talk about what had happened the day before.

“Alex, I say this with utmost respect and concern. But what are you smoking?” Hercules said leaning towards Alex.

Alex wanted to slam his head into a wall, or at least storm out of the room. But he stayed in his seat, and picked at the food the cafeteria had provided. He sighed. “Listen, I don’t believe it myself, but I need you guys to trust me.” 

Laf reached across the table and placed his hand gently on top of Alex’s. “We are trying, but you have to admit, this all sounds a little crazy.” His tone was caring but his words made Alex want to punch something. Instead he just held his head in his hands.

“I’m losing it aren’t I?” He said with a groan. “This is the first sign isn’t it? I’m going to end up like my mother.”

John reached out to him but stopped before he got too close to Alex. “Alex don’t say that, I believe you.”

Alex shot up causing John to jump backwards. “No! You don’t! You don’t, because it is crazy and I’m going to end up like my mother staring at a brick wall for the rest of my life while a slowly waste away.” The table fell silent, his mom was a sensitive subject. “Sorry guys.” He mumbled. “I’m just stressed.” 

“Doesn’t look like Jefferson’s doing much better.” John said pointing to a table a few feet away from them. Thomas sat poking at his food, looking slightly dazed. His hair covering his face like a curtain. Alex almost laughed at the sight. 

“Looks like you're not the only crazy one.” Hercules said jokingly. “Speaking of crazy, how did that whole debate thing go?”

“Terrible, we both got about two points each.” Alex said. “So I got an F for the day.” Alex put on an overly corny smile. “Life is great.” He said with the tone of voice of someone whose life is certainly not great.

“Are you going to talk to him?” John asked.

Alex laughed. “Yeah, of course. I’m going to walk over there say ‘hey person who I’m supposedly destined to be with, even though I can’t stand you, and if you even say my name I experience an eminence pain. How are you today?’”

“Sounds good to me.” Herc said. 

Alex rolled his eyes.

Laf smiled. “I know you ‘can’t stand him’” he said with air quotes. “But you have to admit he kind of hot.” Alex blushed, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t like him… right? He shook the thought away. He just wanted to test it, he wanted to know for sure, to know he wasn’t losing his mind. To know whether or not this whole soulmate thing was just a hoax.

He stood up abruptly. “Screw it. I’m gonna go talk to him.” He walked over and sat next to Jefferson, but didn’t say anything. Thomas simply looked up, just to show that he knew he was there. 

They sat in an awkward silence, and lunch was almost over. One of them had to say something. “Hey.” Alex finally said.

“Hey.” He responded. “If you want to know why I look like a dumpster fire, it’s because I was up all night researching.” Alex hadn’t even thought to research it. He felt like an idiot now and wanted to slap himself.

“First of all, you always look like a dumpster fire,” Thomas scoffed at his remark “But that’s besides the point. What did you find?”

“Not much.” He yawned and reached into his backpack, pulling out a few papers. “But it’s seems the paramedic lady wasn’t crazy. It’s a real thing.” Alex wasn’t sure how to process that information. He just kind of nodded. “I didn’t find anything we didn’t already know.” Alex looked through the stack of papers. He wasn’t wrong. 

“What do we do now?” Alex asked the question they had both been thinking.

Jefferson shrugged. “How about we meet up at Starbucks after school. Just to figure things out.”

“Ok, Jeffershit.”

Thomas grinned. “Sounds good dick bag.” And with that, the bell rung signally for them to leave. 

Alex gave the papers to Herc, Laf, and John to look over. Well, it was more like he threw them at Mulligan and practically shouted. “SEE I'M NOT CRAZY!” Before walking to class.


	6. A Nice Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alex meet up at Starbucks

Alex walked into the Starbucks near the school. Luckily, it was fairly empty, which was unusual considering the fact that this was New York. He saw Thomas sitting in the corner of the cafe near a window that he was gazing out of. He had cleaned himself up. He was now wearing a vest over a pale salmon button-up, with a tie that matched appropriately. He looked up at Alex and gave him a small wave. He sat in the seat across from the taller man. “I got you a coffee.” He said handing the cup to Alexander. 

“Thanks.” he looked at the name scribbled on the side of the cup. It read “mon petite lion” (my little lion). Alex looked up at Thomas with a slight glare, “Where did you hear this?”

Thomas took a sip out of his own coffee cup. “I heard Laf call you that. I thought it was kind of cute.” 

Alex was less than thrilled to discover that he had heard of the little nickname. “So,” He said and tapped nervously on the side of the cup. 

“So” He responded awkwardly.

Alex sighed “Why are we making things more difficult than they need to be? Why are we changing things? Has anything really changed?”

“Everything has changed!” He almost yelled.

“No, it hasn’t. Supposedly, its always been like this. We just happen to know the truth now. We don’t have to change anything.”

Thomas avoided his gazed. “What if I want things to change?” he mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“What if I want things to change! What if this wasn’t a bad thing?” 

Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Thomas tried to recollect himself. “It means, let's just see what happens. Maybe… one date?”

Alex ran his hands throught his own hair. “I can't fucking believe this! Why would you even want to do this?” Thomas tried his best to not look incredibly insulted.

“All I’m saying is that there is a reason for this. Why not see where the path leads.” He looked out the window and took a sip of his coffee. 

Alex stood up abruptly. “Fine, we can talk about this later.” he grabbed his coffee that he was yet to taste. “I'm going home, I have homework to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been busy with school and becoming obsessed with Spring Awakening.


	7. Olive Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two meet at Olive Garden for an early dinner.

Alex walked into the Olive Garden. A wonderfull restraint that can be considered both casual and fancy. “That clever bastard.” He thought. He looked around the room to see a young couple, seated right next to a family with a screaming baby. He could almost laugh. 

He squinted to see through the dark to find Thomas. While the building was well lit, he decided to wear his sun glasses inside. He didn’t want to be noticed, not that anyone he knew would be in there, but rather safe than sorry. A precaution that would appear as, simply an odd fashion statement, or he just had a hangover.

He saw the frizzy haired man sitting in a booth in the corner. He walked toward the table with a groan. Alex really didn’t want to be there, he just wanted to get Thomas off his back, and free food. He was ready to stuff some bread sticks into his jacket and run if necessary. 

Thomas looked up from his phone and waved at Alex. “Nice glasses.” Alex gave him a look that he could only assume was an eye role since he couldn’t see his eyes. “Are you really that worried to be seen with me?”

“It’s not that I’m ashamed.” He said with annoyance in his voice. “It’s just if John, or god forbid, Herc saw me I would never live it down.”

Thomas chuckled silently. “Sure.” 

A waitress had brought the two of them drinks. “I got you Coke, I hope you don’t mind but since you were late I ordered for you.” Alex crossed his arms and huffed. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m surprised you came at all. I’m glad you did.”

“Your awfully confident.” Alex inquired. “Especially considering that you were having a mental breakdown just a few days ago.”

Thomas shrugged. “I guess I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Well good to hear at least one of us has.” He shrugged. “So why are even here?”

Thomas stirred his tea with a straw. “I told you, it’s just a date.”

Alex let his arm fall against the table with a thud. “You act so casually all of a sudden, just recently you seemed to be falling apart and now you act like it’s some everyday thing.” He started to raise his voice. “You don’t know what it felt like!” He stood up arbruptly. “Here just take this, I’m leaving.” He gave Thomas a few dollars for the drinks and stared heading for the door.

“Wait,” Thomas hesitated before finishing his sentence. “W-What if I could.”

Alex furrowed his brow. “I don’t want you to be in pain.”

“I want to! I want to know what happened.” He grabbed Alex’s hand. “Lets just meet at my house okay. Please?”

Alex looked at Thomas’s hand. “Fine.” He turned and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I kind of dropped off the face of the earth. I’ve been kind of swamped with other work.
> 
> I know, I know, this update is really short and future chapter will be longer. But in order for me to be update more frequently, most chapters will be less than 1,000 words.
> 
> I hope you can forgive me.


	8. What Are We Doing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a few more things Thomas and Alex need to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I abandoned this, but y’all amazing commenters persuaded me to keep writing.

Saying that Alex was hesitant about going back to Thomas’s house was an understatement. 

 

He sat in his car for almost half an hour before forcing his legs to walk towards his obnoxiously big house. He rang the doorbell, an action he soon regretted. It seemed too  _ polite _ almost professional. Formalities like that between them had been tossed aside years ago. Thomas greeted him with an uneasy smile and stepped aside so Alex could walk inside. “So,” The taller man started. 

 

“You really want me to say it?” Alex said reluctantly. Jefferson nodded. A week or two ago He would have jumped at the chance to attack Thomas like this. The newfound compassion he felt towards him scared him and pissed him off way more than it should have. “I don’t think I can.” He said and slumped his shoulders. 

 

“For fucks sake Ale-“ he stopped before finishing the word, he saw the other man flinch. “Fine.” He hissed. “What do you want me to do? You can’t just get pissed at me, this isn’t my fault. It’s fucked up, but there’s nothing we can do about it.”

 

“Yes, there is!” Alex yelled back. “We can ignore it. We can pretend it never happened and go back to our lives, just go back to hating each other.”

 

“Why?” Jefferson shouted, the question surprising even himself. “Why do we have to do that? Why did we ever?” He sighed. “Do whatever you want Alex, but I don’t hate you.” Hamilton was stunned, to say the least. “Just go home.”

 

“What the hell?” He replied once he was able to speak again. “You can’t just say something like that and expect me to leave. You’re just an asshole who, was for some reason, paired with me by ‘the universe’” he said, making air quotes with his fingers.” He paced around a little, a frequent habit of Alexander’s. (He paced when he was stressed, which was most of the time.) 

 

Thomas massage his forehead. “I’m just trying.”

 

Alex scoffed. “Trying to change everything about us just because you think it’s what we should do.” He laughed. “Nothing new with you I see.”

 

“Things have changed. Not because of me, not because of you. Things just change. It’s not my fault you're too thick to see that.”

 

“I don’t see change?” Alex said flabbergasted. “You live in a perfect world. Everything is easy for you. Your rich, your popular, your idea of change is a substitute in one of your classes. I’m just trying to hang on to one stable aspect of my life and now we’re here.” Thomas didn’t reply, he just stared down at Alex in shock. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought.”

 

“I’m not going to apologize if that’s what you were expecting.”

 

“I didn’t think you would, and I don’t want you to.” He crossed his arms, an attempt at an intimidating stance that was severely undermined by his height. “I just want to-“

 

He was cut off by the  _ very  _ sudden kiss Thomas had attacked him with. He leaned down and quickly placed a hand on Alex’s back and pulling him close. It was very messy, just an awkward clash of teeth at first before figuring out how they fit together. At first. Alex didn’t pull away, something that surprised him far more than the actual kiss itself did. Once he regained his ability to produce a cognitive thought, he pushed Thomas away roughly.

 

“Shit.” Thomas started to say.

 

“Don’t.” Was all Alex said before rushing towards the door, he flung it open and sprinted back to his car. He escaped the driveway as fast as he could in the beat-up car he had bought after saving up penny by penny. It wasn’t great but got him away from that house. He pushed down the thought of what had happened. Tried to forget the feeling of Thomas’s lips against his, and tried to pretend he didn’t like it. 

 

_ What had he done? What had Thomas done _ ? The thought that suddenly popped into his head was  _ We still have the project to do. _ Which was something he completely pushed aside ever since the paramedics had arrived. It had now come back to conveniently slap him in the face. 

 


	9. The Retelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex retells the events of the afternoon to Angelica

“And what did you do?” Angelica asked after hearing the vague retelling of Alex and Thomas’s last meeting.

 

“I pushed him away and ran out the door.” He said cringing at the memory as he explained and shoved his head into his pillow. “Shit, Angie, what do I do?” Angelica took a minute to reply.

 

“So, do you like him?” She said, choosing her words very carefully to avoid the explosion of the ticking time bomb that is, Alexander Hamilton.

 

“No.” Alex spat out quickly. Angelica sat at the end of Alex’s bed but inched a little closer to him.

 

“You don’t like him?” 

 

“Yes.” He said hesitantly. “No.” Angelica rolled her eyes.

 

“Lex, if you want me to help you, don’t be cryptic.” She scolded him. Angelica had a way of putting him in his place, even in casual conversations. It was the main reason they were friends, Alex needed someone to balance him out. “Now, what did you think of the kiss?”

 

“I don’t know.” Angelica let out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Yes, you do. You don’t have to tell me, but at least tell yourself.” Alex stared at her for a pregnant moment before responding.

 

“I think I like it.”

 

“Than I don’t see the problem.”

 

“That is the problem, Angie!” He practically yelled. “Everything is so backwards and twisted and-“ He trailed off, and tugged at his hair in frustration. Angelica placed a gentle hand on Alex’s arm.

 

“Lex, it’s okay.” She said softly and sat closer to him. “It seems fucked up now, but it will get better.”

 

Alex laughed quietly. “I can always just go back to my normal life with my friends who I know are my friends and my enemies who I  _ know _ are my enemies.”

 

Angelica shoved Alex’s should playfully. “I thought you were supposed to be smart? But you really have invented a new kind of stupid.” Alex looked at her with very noticeable confusion in his eyes. “You think a ridiculous schoolyard rival is your enemy?”

 

“I guess I did.” He shrugged. “I don’t think that anymore.” 

 

Angelica got off the bed. “Let’s go, I’m getting you out of the house.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. “How does a coffee sound?”

 

“Angie, you know I’m always in the mood for caffeine in all its forms.” He smiled. “What kind of question was that?” 

 

Despite Alex’s temporary change of attitude he still trudged down the stairs of his apartment complex. The “Out of Order” sign hanging from the elevator door seemed to taunt him with each step he took down the rickety stairs. 

 

Once they got outside, Alex immediately wanted to get back inside. It was unseasonably cold and he did not handle the temperature well. He just wanted to go back to his room, curl up under the blankets, shut everyone out, and drown himself in self-pity. One of his favorite pastimes, but Angelica would never let him do that, besides, he was getting a coffee out of it. 

 

The two of them made their way through the crowded New York sidewalks and talked about anything besides Thomas Jefferson. When they finally got to the coffee shop they both ordered a simple black coffee, another thing they had in common. Angelica liked it because it was just simple and Alex didn’t want to do anything to dilute his precious caffeine. 

 

“See, Lex, isn’t this better than sitting at home and overthinking yourself to death.” She said cheerily.

 

“I can’t say it’s not.” He said, even though he wanted nothing more than to do just that. But Angie’s company  _ did _ help, despite his complaints. His mind still kept swimming, a constant whirlpool of confusion and fickle emotions. It was so unlike him, but nothing seemed to how it used to.

 

Then he saw him, the frizzy-haired man who he was trying to avoid was standing a few feet away from him at a crosswalk. He tried to turn and flee but he had already seen him and was walking their way. The “universe” seemed to be conspiring  against him this past week (most of his life really.) 

 

Thomas seemed even more uncomfortable than Alex did as he came closer. Alex took a little bit of satisfaction in that. “What do you want?” Alex hissed.

 

“I was going to apologize, but you don’t seem like you’re in the mood to accept it.”

 

Alex could not believe him. “You’re going to be waiting a long time of your waiting to find me in a forgiving mood.” He looked around for Angelica who had seemed to remove herself from the situation.  _ Smart girl _ .

 

“I’m sorry, okay.” Thomas snapped. “I don’t know what to do. But just know, I don’t regret it.” He turned and walked away from Alex, leaving the one who couldn’t seem to stop talking, speechless for what was probably the first time in his life.

“Get back here, Jefffershit.” He yelled across the the crowd, but Thomas showed no sign that he heard him.  
  
  
  



	10. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter!

Hamilton tapped his foot anxiously on the floor of the bus. He couldn’t sleep so he decided to work on his part of the project, do to the above average sleep deprivation, he compensated with more caffeine, which only fueled his nervous energy. John wasn’t riding the bus that morning so he had no one to talk to, and he had decided to confront Thomas today. 

 

So, he wasn’t exactly “calm”.

 

He had rehearsed everything he was going to say but his well thought out plan was quickly smothered with doubt.

 

He shuffled through the familiar crowd of people in the hallways, searching for a certain face, and hair. When he finally found him, he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or exponentially more stressed. He tapped the taller of the two on the shoulder. Thomas whipped around to see who was trying to get his attention, a frown forming on his face when he saw who it was. “What do you want?” He said flatly.

 

“I’m sorry.” The words tasted sour on his tongue. Jefferson looked just as surprised to hear the words as Alex was to have said them. His eyes widened a bit.

 

“Oh.” was all he said in response. Alex bit his lip to prevent a sly comment from slipping out.

 

“It wasn’t fair of me.” He cringed as if it were painful to speak. “I should give it chance, to just see what happens.” Thomas still didn’t give him the gift of any sort of reply or reaction, he just stood there, looking down at Hamilton. “Give  _ me  _ a chance. Meet me in the parking lot after school, okay?” Jefferson nodded.

___________

 

The bell rang and everyone rushed out the door as if they were being chased. Alex awkwardly stood by Thomas’ car, waiting from him to peak out of the swarm of students. He spotted him walking out the front door after most of the other students had left. Jefferson sauntered up to Alex, putting on a casual facade. He now knew just how fake the act really was.

 

“So?” He said, gazing coldly at Alex.

 

Alex paused for a moment, summoning the courage to say what he was about to. “I liked it!” He spat out.

 

“What?” Jefferson responded, the barrier he put up weakening.

 

“The kiss, okay.” He looked at the ground. “I liked it.”

 

Thomas looked absolutely astonished. “Then why did you push me away and storm out of my house?” He threw his hands up in the air in shock.

“‘I stormed out’ because I liked it, you numb-skull,” Alex said, settling for a less profane insult than he usually directed at his ‘rival’. Thomas held his head in his hands.

 

“Well, what do we do now?” 

 

Alex mulled the words over in his head a few times before they poured out of his lips with no way to stop them. “We could kiss again.”

 

Thomas chuckled. “Sounds great, Alex.” He froze, hearing the words that he had said and wishing he could shove them back into his mouth. It was too late, they were out in the open. He had said his name. “Shit!” he cursed and rushed over to Hamilton’s side.

 

Alex flinched, he waited for the pain, he waited for the fire that licked at his throat and burst through his ribs, but it never came. When the realization of what that meant for them set in, he almost wished he had to experience the pain again, but it would never return. “I-i’m fine.”

 

Thomas looked as if he had been slapped in the face, but his eyes shimmered with relief. “Are you sure?” Alex nodded his head shakily.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity but couldn’t have actually been more than a few seconds before Alex reached up to Thomas’ collar and pulling him for a real kiss. One that Alex didn’t pull away, one that said it all in a single action. One that made them almost understand why  _ kids _ like them were given the weight of discovering your soulmate. One that was no longer a piercing flame, but a warm spark.

 

One that showed, acceptance.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you guys liked this. Sorry I disappeared for a while in the middle of it.


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